If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
