What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
