I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
