Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You are the jesus of drinking
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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