I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
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im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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