So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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