I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
