Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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