The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
