chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He has the fingertips of a God
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