We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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