I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
