He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
