I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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