so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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