Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
