one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
