And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
