You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
