I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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