You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
