Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
