i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
try to milk me bitch
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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