i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we're chasing vodka with high fives
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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