Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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