Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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