and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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