dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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