well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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