Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.