They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
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I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.