jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.