Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He passed out mid-signature
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
