so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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