This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
