so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
