I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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