Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
