Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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