yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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