So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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