Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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