He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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