we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
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Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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