Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
