I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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