cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
