I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
