turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
