im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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