im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
