cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
