I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
