The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
