Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
