im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
