he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
