3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
