somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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