Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
