That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
