No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
